So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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