I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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