two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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