Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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