Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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