I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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