Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
