what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
