I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
