OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
