The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
