all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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