I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
