why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
