i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
