"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
