I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
