Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
