another moral hangover. fuck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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