You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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