My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
