Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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