we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
