I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize