dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
