someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
