So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
