Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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