he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
