I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
