everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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