I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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