so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
