So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
