Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
