I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
