it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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