i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
