I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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