I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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