I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
