It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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