i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
