I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize