At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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