do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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