Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
