Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
