I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
