Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize