I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
