I am puke
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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