Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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