dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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