Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
