I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
