tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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