We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Vodka?
Forever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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