I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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