In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
