If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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