Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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