I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
