The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
