i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
