I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
nutella sex= disaster
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
