My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
