playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
