Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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