Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
