Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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