Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
