Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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