just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i need some magic done to my vagina
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
